Snapshots of a Storm
by CrypticApocalypse
Summary: Shepard had made many choices. Some easier than others, but none ever made in isolation. For every decisions, every actions, every choice there was a lifetime of moments trailing behind them. As she sat in the rubble of the Citadel it occurred to her, these snapshots of her life were all that remained. She just hoped there was someone still out there to remember them.


**Snapshots of a storm**

**Chapter 1**

**Present time**

_It's a lie, a kiss with open eyes._

That was a poem or an old Earth song, she was sure of it, but couldn't …..couldn't quite remember the name.

_But she's not breathing back._

It was a song, she knew it was a song…..she could hear it in her mind. The words repeating, over and over

_A lie_

Every time she tried to grab them they slipped, further and further away from her. Like droplets of water, droplets of….

_pain_

She couldn't concentrate; the pain…the pain was so intense.

…_.pain…that was the name right. Pain…or was it, was that just...God the pain._

She couldn't keep her thoughts in order, couldn't work out which were conscious and which merely reactions. What had happened? She remembered _a kiss with open eyes_, no! No not that, a choice…a…

_Pain, can't let it bother me_.

What had happened? What?...where was she? She remembered, a beam, a conversation, a gun and then….Oh God the pain and… where was she? Where was Liara?

Liara…._Never thought I'd walk away from you_...where was Liara? Opening her eyes she stirred, moved her shoulder and gasped at the sting. Around her was nothing but darkness, dense, impenetrable darkness. She tried to move but couldn't, she tried to breath, _she's not breathing back_….but it only came in a broken wheeze.

_**God what was that song? **_

Something pinned her down, like night but heavier. She couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't move, _a lie, a kiss with open eyes_. She tried to scream but..._never thought I'd walk away from you_, but nothing came out.

Liara, she had left her, walked away from her. No, that wasn't the right. The Normandy had taken her, she was safe. Liara was safe.

_But she'd not breathing back._

She tried to lift her arms, to force her way through the darkness, her hands hit rough, hit solid, hit metal and broken bone. She pushed.

Pushed.

And screamed

And pushed…..and then….

_It's a lie_

Movement.

The sky moved upwards, out wards opening it light and air; fresh air…..and

_Chaos_.

All around her. Everywhere was a flame, destroyed, smash cracked or broken. She choked on the air and then she remembered.

_The Citadel, the Crucible, the Catalyst._

_The choice_

The Normandy, she needed to contact the Normandy. She opened her omni-tool, scrolled through the options, her contacts, chose one; clicked.

CALLING DOCTOR T'SONI….. CALLING DOCTOR T'SONI….. CALLING DOCTOR T'SONI…..CONNECTION LOST

"Damn."

An error code flashed along her palm, no available connection. She tried again; was met by silence.

_The crucible will not discriminate._

"The relays….."

Had she….did it work? Had she done it, after all this time, after everything had she….

She needed to get out, to move, to contact home. Weak, trembling arms pushed herself up, began to move the rubble that covered her, saw her lower half for the first time.

Saw what remained of her legs.

"Shit."

She tried her comm again.

CONNECTION LOST…..

"Shit."

Tried re-routing the link through another available port.

CONNECTION LOST…..

"Shit."

Tried smashing her fist into the rocks in anger.

"SHIT!" She screamed, thrashing out at her side over and over, till her hands were raw and bleeding. "I will not die here. Not like this."

"Shepard." A voice drifted to her from the chaos, soft and reassuring. "Rest."

"I will not die here," she yelled. "I can't." Her words were to the air, she didn't look at the figure in front of her, refused to make eye contact with the manifest. "Not till I'm back, till your safe."

"I'm safe Shepard. We're safe. Rest. Close your eyes and rest."

"No…"

"Rest." The figure knelt at her feet, touched her lips with soft fingers. "You have done your duty. It's time to rest."

"My duty?" Shepard thought, her eyes growing heavy, head growing hard. "I will not f-falter…. I will not stray. I will prevail…..I will prevail or I will, I will…."

"Or I will die."

The world shifted from her, Shepard closed her eyes. "My duty…..a Shepard…always…."

**Cycle 2158: Alliance Space Station January – Research and Development**

_A Shepard always does their duty._

That's what Nicholas' Father had told him when he was a boy, watching the old man polish the medals with his one remaining hand, and lamenting on his time serving on the Shackelton Outpost of Luna. He was a proud man, proud of his history, on being one of the first humans to live off world.

Proud to serve.

It was a saying Nicholas would try to focus on, on nights like these when he would try to forget he was meant to somewhere other than here.

Arching his back he looked over the piles of datapads that were haphazardly stren across his desk. Artificial night had fallen over the January, the lights had dimmed, the dampeners had been increased and the whole station was bathed in an eerie blue.

Nicholas was beat.

The engineer, not quite thirty five, felt eons older than he was. His body was weary, his back ached, his jet black hair was starting to fleck with grey and his ice blue eyes were blood shot and sore. He had been in the R and D lab all day, running diagnostics on his dampening software, seeing if he could finally isolate that fragment of code that was making the entire thing crash. Twelve hours of staring at jittery Haptic Adaptive Interface was wearing on the eyes and the brain but the thrill of the digital hunt was enthralling and he'd easily lost track of time.

14.04.2158

The numbers ran through Nicholas's mind like a constant reminder of his incompetence. It flashed on his omni-tool, over and over, a continuously loop reminding him he was meant to be elsewhere hours ago.

Six hours, twelve minutes ago, a promise that he never thought he'd break.

_I will not falter I will not stray _

Rubbing his fingertips into his temple Nicholas blinked into the retinal scanner as it verified his clearance to leave the lab. He had intended to be long gone hours ago but life had stepped in between him and the journey home. The deadline was approaching, the higher ups were waiting on this update, people, _soldiers, _were in need of this and it was his responsibility, his obligation, to fix it.

Jarlson hadn't put it in quite those words of course when she stormed in, slammed the latest report down onto his desk and demanded he fix this "Varren's arse" of a program. An argument had followed, that resulted in datapads smashing against walls and untranslatable slurs flung but she was his superior and he had obediently followed his orders.

_I will prevail or I will die_

Every soldier knew the adage, lived their life by its words. The motto of the Alliance.

The lab door opened and he headed towards the rapid transport terminal. There was no line he could be at the apartment in ten minutes. Clutching his satchel to his side, he tapped the small parcel lightly, checking it was still there. He'd spent his only spare hour in manufacturing calling in every favour he could to get it finished in time, it had better still be there.

"Heading home Specialist?"

A shrill, sharp voice said at his side, turning his head he smiled wryly at Jarlson and sighed.

"I've served my time Ma'am; and more."

"I was only asking a simple question, there's no need for the attitude." She sidled up beside him, a bag slung over her shoulder, hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. "Want to share a cab? We could get a beer?"

Jarlson and he were both Alliance soldiers who chose another life but they were very different people. He cared about his work, the products he was producing and wanted everything that bared his stamp to be as good as it could be. She was a cool headed and rational who saw nothing but the bottom line, appeasing the brass and sending products out on time no matter their condition. Sometimes the passion they held for their independent point of view spilled over in arguments and shouting matches as they fought to have their side accepted but neither held that against the other. For all their differences they were the same deep down. They worked in labs, played with toys, solved problems others would find impossible, irrelevant, they saw the potential in the ordinary and made it magic. Few understood what they did, what they saw in the piles of tech and code that they examined daily and for those in the R and D there was an affinity that even Nicholas and Jarlson shared.

"Another time maybe." Stepping into the cab that had pulled up next to them he looked up at Jarlson. "I need to head home."

21.35

The numbers pulsed on his omni-tool briefly before he shut down the digital orange glove and keyed in the passcode. The melodic buzz was just audible over the sound of the locks disengaging and door opening. Janet stood in the doorway, arms folded across her breast and eyebrows low, she did not look pleased.

"Well, I suppose this is better than never Nick." The brunette grumbled moving away from the door to allow him to enter. "Have you eaten today? There's left over pasta if you want some."

"No thanks, I had a sandwich at work." Unclipping his jacket he hung it up on the coat hook and dropped his satchel to the floor. "Also, your pasta is terrible."

"Watch it." Janet slapped him round the back of the head but smiled. "I set up the spare bed in MJ's room for Atti, I wasn't sure if you were going to make it back tonight. They're sleeping"

"I tried to get away but God damn Jarlson is riding my ass about this stupid code that I can't figure out. I barely had time to nip down to manufacturing to pick up MJ's present."

Together they walked further into the apartment. It wasn't much, little more than a box with rooms attached but there was space for a living area, kitchen, a private bathroom and room for storage; for a low level engineering grunt and a rising navigations officer it was downright luxury. The doors to the sleeping areas were closed apart from one and Nick could just make out the slight sound of snoring from MJ's room. Standing at the doorway out of sight he watched the two sleeping figures, they faces silhouetted by the glowing fish tank. MJ was in the closest bed, her covered pulled up to her nose, her flyaway short cut hair falling indiscriminately over her closed eyes.

Mei Juliet Shepard.

"Has she been any trouble?" He asked

"Of course not." Janet replied with a dismissively smack to Nicholas's arm. "She is never any trouble. Her and Atti have been playing space rangers again. They had all of MJ's ships lined up in squadrons, Atti was the Captain, MJ was the XO and they kept running round the house liberating lamps from Turian control." Smiling Nick pulled the door closed and took the wine glass Janet was offering him. "Ethan Healey came over for a few hours, MJ wouldn't let him touch her ships though so Atti made him pretend to be the Galactic core."

"Healey? Do I know him?"

"Mother just transferred from Mars, her first tour outside Sol apparently. Ethan's a nice kid, a bit shy. The girls ran circles around him, literally."

Sinking into his bruised and battered sofa Nick sipped on the rich, fruity liquid, savouring every mouthful and sighed.

"Did Hannah call?"

"Briefly, she sent a Comm burst just after lunch. She wished MJ a happy birthday, promised she would be home soon and said she'd sent her the latest edition of Captain May Day."

Nicholas swirled his wine in his glass, staring intently at the spirals of pinks and red it made as it moved.

"At least one of her parents managed to wish her Happy Birthday, it just happens to be the one that's four thousand light years from here." He glanced back at the door. "I'm a terrible father."

"You're too hard on yourself Nick. You work hard, both you and Hannah and you make the best of what you have. Trust me you guys are parsecs better than most of the Alliance families I help out with. Atti hasn't….." Tilted her head away from the door Janet lowered her voice. "Atti hasn't seen her Dad in over four months. Admiral Butt-munch is too busy apparently. MJ always has one of you; that's not something most of you spacers can boast about."

"I suppose, I just worry that we're not doing our best for her. I mean, Hannah is constantly away, her latest tour with the Hooke is a great opportunity for her but she's away more than I think even she realised. And this new project at R and D has me working every hour of the day. You see my daughter more than I do."

"I'm a gloried Alliance Nanny, I see most kids more than their parents do; that's my job, my role. I take the rope and give you slack when you need it, so that you and Hannah can make names for yourselves. Trust me Nick, give it twenty years and the name Shepard will be spread across the stars."

"Hmm…..here's hoping it's for something-"

"Miss Kirk, can I have a glass of….Daddy?" Clad in blue and gold pyjamas Nick had fashioned out of an old Alliance uniform MJ Shepard clutched a ragged handmade Asari doll to herself, her tiny features scrunched up in confusion. "I didn't think you were coming home tonight. Miss Kirk said you…."

"Miss Kirk was told not to ruin the surprise." Nick replied, scooping the five year old up into his arms and spinning her around him. "Did you think I'd miss my best girl's birthday? Did you?"

She weighed practically nothing, her small legs swung and danced outwards as he spun faster, lifting and lowering her in a fluent carrousel of twirls. MJ giggled and laughed, clutching her Fathers shirt between her fists.

"I knew you wouldn't Daddy. Atti said you would, I said she was a liar."

"Atti is a Stoker, she can't help that she's from inferior stock." Nick agreed throwing her skywards once, catching her and then throwing her again. "Shepard's forever!"

"Shepard's forever!" The young girl squealed, arms out wide like she was flying. "Put me down Daddy, you're making my stomach feel icky."

Nick lowered his daughter and placed her carefully on the arm of the sofa, ruffling her dark red hair. The hair was always the first thing anyone would point out about her, that deep auburn red the identical shade to her mothers. She was a beautiful child, but of course Nick would think that, whenever it came to MJ he was unapologetically biased. Her pale grey eyes twinkled at him with a warmth the colour wouldn't usually allow.

"How's your birthday been MJ, was Miss Kirk nice to you?"

"Uhuh. She made me and Atti pasta and let us eat it watching Blasto One. Atti didn't eat most of hers but I ate it all. And Mommy called, she says she's somewhere fighting Ba….batari….bartarians. I'm not sure what they are…are they like Asari?" She asked clutching the tattered doll to herself.

The asari were something new to MJ. A delegate from Serrice Industries visited the lab a few months ago while she was spending the day with her Father, helping him spell check lines of code. The beautiful blue aliens had fascinated the department; MJ included who just couldn't grasp the idea that they shared this galaxy with beings so tall. The head tentacles, the strange blue skin, the inbuilt biotic ability hadn't phased her but their height? That got her head spinning. For days afterwards she had bombarded him with questions about them, where did they live, what did they eat, where did they get uniforms to fit; more questions than he could ever answer. The doll had served as an acceptable peace offering when he failed to answer her questions adequately and Steve hadn't left her side since. Steve, Nick chuckled touching the dolls head gently and smiling. MJ had chosen the name, and Nick and Hannah weren't quite sure how to bridge the idea of monogendered aliens with a four year old so the name had stuck.

"Sort of. They're not quite as pretty. Don't worry Steve is perfectly safe" He pinched her nose causing the frown on MJ's face to disappear. "Hey, you want your birthday prezzie? I just got done making it today?"

"Yeah!"

"Close your eyes." He instructed as he stood and headed to his satchel by the door, Janet watched him and smiled, leaving the room to collect Atti's stuff together so they could leave. "Now, this is something very special. It's the only one like it in the whole galaxy."

"What is it Daddy? Can I open my eyes?"

"Not yet." Removing the tiny package Nick return to his daughter, crouched at her front and handed it over. "Okay. Now."

The right eye opened first, it peered at the box then the left followed. Tiny fingers pulled the lid of the box with great care. MJ's eyebrows furrowed a little them rose.

"It's a space ship."

"Not just any space ship, that's your Mom's ship, where she is right this very moment."

"Really?"

"I'll make you one for every ship she's on."

"Promise?" Rolling the model over in her hands MJ whispered, studying it carefully. It was a good model, even if Nick said so himself, not exact but a Kawoon class frigate was difficult to replicate on a four centimetre piece of polymerised wood. MJ's small features fell. "I wish Mommy was home."

"I know MJ. She will be soon."

"She's been gone forever."

Three months, four days Nick thought, not quite forever but very close when you four, well five now he thought sadly. Hannah was missing so much, hell he was only a few decks away and he was missing it to. But this was the life they chose, the Alliance was who they were.

"Mommy is very important, you know that, she does very important work."

"I know Daddy. Mommy has a…a…." Her face scrunched in concentration, as she searched for the word she had been told many times before. "A duty."

"She does. And what do Shepard's always do before anything else?"

"Their duty Daddy."

"That's my girl. Now where's the book you Mom sent you?"

**Cycle 2169: Arcturus Station **

_May day, May day…this is the Tiberius Wolf we are under Batarian fire repeat we are…_

_A gargled cry cut of the rest of the transmission leaving nothing but static hanging in the air. _

_The crew of the May Day, the most advanced ship in the Alliance fleet turned to their Captain, looking at her for orders. Standing tall Captain Mei Shepard turned to her XO._

"_Send the ground crew to the shuttles Stoker, Healey! Get your biggest guns, we've got fours eyes to hunt."_

"_Aye aye Captain." Healey replied instantly, saluting and scurrying off to gather the weapons his Captain had requested. Stoker on the other hand didn't move._

"_Problems Stoker?"_

"_No Ma'am….."_

"_Then get going, the Galaxy is depending on us."_

The primitive radio crackled with static as Hannah Shepard's words filled the apartments living area.

_Commander Stoker saluted the Captain. _Hannah's voice continued,_ and watched as she left. "There goes the best of us…._

"Bull crap." The real Atticus Stoker interrupted, waving the holo terminal closed and flopping down onto the sofa. A few spaces away from her, feet propped up on the back of the arm chair, head hanging in the foot well MJ Shepard just smirked. "There goes the best of us? You? And ma'am? Really? You think I've ever call you that? You're delusional Sheep Herder."

From her position on the armchair Shepard smiled, reaching for her datapad and pulling up a recent file.

"Hey I didn't write it, my Mom did. Or at least she paid a FNG to who knows with her? Anyway someone who clearly knows you really well thinks that in the future I'm the Captain and you're the subordinate. Get used to it Stoker." A pillow hit her flat in the face. "Hey."

"This is why, if any of us are going to be the Captain it's me, you can't even dodge a pillow going at the speed of yawn."

"I'm not disagreeing with you. But again, someone somewhere clearly sees something in me they don't in you. Deal with it." Shepard shrugged, which from her inverted position came across more as a duck. "What do you think Eth?"

At the desk the virtual link between the Arcturus and the January blinked, as Ethan's face faded in and out of focus on the comm screen. Sat upright in his chair omni-tool open he glanced up at them from the work.

"All I want to know is why I'm always the one fetching stuff. You remember that one a couple years back? May Day verse the Elcor terrorists? You two were flying Tridents through enemy airlocks, I was getting the diplomats tea. What's that about?"

"Every crew needs a dogsbody Eth." Stoker teased. "And you're the best we've got."

"And I'm always scurrying, you notice that? Healey scurries to answer the comm, Healey scurries to hand the vitally important data pad containing information that could for ever change the course of Human evolution to Captain May Day then scurries off to make tea; again." He turned back to his omni-tool. "I don't even like tea."

"You do scurry though." Shepard teased, blowing an errant lock of hair from her eyes and skimming though data pad in her hand lazily.

"Yeah I've noticed that. What's that about?"

"I do not!"

"You so do! You're like a…..a….."

"Space hamster?" Shepard helpfully supplied, Ethan glared at her.

"Yes! Exactly, Ethan the space hamster. You've even got the same chubby cheeks and squinty eyes. I might rename mine."

"I hate you both." Closing his omni-tool he stood up. "I don't have to take this abuse. I have other friends you know."

"Oh Ethan lying only serves to belittle the relationship we share. It's a special bond between a girl and her hamster." Stoker waved dramatically at the screen. "Scurry home little hamster, and don't forget to bury your nuts for winter."

"That's squirrels!"

The link blinked out.

"You're a horrible human being Atticus Stoker."

"I know." Stoker slid off the sofa and sat down on the floor next to Shepard's chair so that they're heads were side by side, "but wouldn't I make an awesome Turian?" Shepard just rolled her eyes and pulled the data pad out of her reach as she went to grab for it. "What you doing?"

"Reading tech reports, checking software patches, news code lines etcetera. Stuff you'd hate."

"Let me see." Shepard eyed her carefully before handed it over only to have the pad flung across the room,

"I knew you were going to do that." She sighed, forward rolling off the armchair to retrieve the device. "Not all of us are as naturally gifted at everything as you are Stoker, some of us need to study to pass our finals."

"They're still two years away, you have plenty of time for filling your head with dots and dashes and other miscellaneous data packets. Right now we're both on the same station, at the same time for the first time in eight months, we should do something fun…. See a vid, catch a game, hit the mall. Something that isn't sitting in room."

"No money."

"I'll loan you, the Admiral's sent me a huge stipend this month."

This caused a pause in Shepard, she glanced down at the datapad, uncertain, questioning, her fingers tapping along it's seem like she was sending herself a message.

"I need to get this done first, we'll go afterwards. There's vids downloaded if you're bored."

As Shepard settled back into her chair again, and kicked her feet over the side Stoker sighed and dragged open the saved folder on the TV, scanning through the files for something worth watching.

The two Navy brats were different in so many ways.

Stoker often wondered why they were still friends, not how they became them, that was equal mixture circumstance and limited options, but why their friendship remained. While Stoker was hot headed and impulsive, often rude, Shepard was calm and contemplative, quiet. They saw the world through different eyes; Shepard found fascination in the simplest things, like the world was one giant puzzle waiting to be unlocked and rebuilt, Stoker preferred her activities to be faster, more action packed. The brunette got bored too easily, she needed constant entertainment for there to be any hope of something maintaining her attention, for the redhead a single, monotonous task could entertain her for hours. Ethan was the same, they saw something in life that she didn't, some pattern, away everything fit together that Stoker could only guess at.

"Hey look, Blasto 4- only seen that about a million times."

"This one enquires whether you are talking to them?This one enquires to the enkindler who you are taking to if not to this one? This one is the only one here….." Shepard said absently, not even looking up from her work.

"Nerd."

"Wench."

"Weirdo."

They had all met when they were children, had shared the same preschool and child minder, traded bioti-ball cards and fought over who got the last pudding cup at dinner. They were Alliance brats, brought up by parents who were never there, Stoker more than most, and they moved. Dear god did they move, from station to station, light years apart but somehow they found each other again. Months could pass, years sometimes, yet when they came together again it was like they were never apart. So here it was, ten years on, ten thousand light years from the space station they had met on and whatever bound them together was still there, still strong, still inexplicable.

Stoker's Father, the "Admiral" as everyone called him had transferred to the Arc five years ago to oversee his fleet, and since the station was fully operational there was no better place to be, for him at least. The January had been her home for six years, she'd only lived in one other place here entire life and then she was uprooted, torn from everything she knew; the change had been difficult. New rooms, new buildings, new faces in the hall; even the stars through the window were different. Stoker had been here for an eon now and it was only just beginning to feel like home again, she didn't know how Shepard did it.

"How long are you on the Arc for this time?"

"Not sure." The redhead replied, a lock of hair wrapped around her finger but eyes never leaving the screen. "Two months? Maybe more."

"How long till your back?"

"Who knows. Why?" She glanced up, caught Atticus's eye and grinned, her ice blue orbs alive with fire. "Worried I'll forget you? Move on and find myself a new pain in my ass?"

"You could never replace me."

"You hope."

Stoker watched Shepard work, marvelled at her focus. It was unfathomable how she coped, being moved from one home to another every year, or few months, sometimes within less time than that. To leave behind everything save a few foot locker sized memories, to never have roots.

"You ever wish we weren't in the Alliance? That we were one of colony kids they have on ANN?"

"What?" Shepard asked, her attention final drawn away from her work. "Where did that come from?"

"Just wondering…I mean life would be easier in one place. If we didn't have to move around as much you know?"

"We? You haven't moved in five years, there are white dwarfs that show more activity than you do."

"I meant the royal we," Stoker swotted the dumb smug look on Shepard face with her pillow. "The Alliance Navy Brat Collective. You, Ethan and me."

"I guess it would be easier; but better?" She closed down the datapad, chucked it to the table, starring at it for a long time, searching for some meaning Stoker couldn't see. Like she always was. "I dunno, it's life isn't it? We make the best, we do our…"

Duty.

Stoker finished internally.

She knew the word Shepard was reluctant to say. It had been drilled into both of them since they were small, used to excuse the absence of family, the missed holidays, the weeks they were abandoned in Alliance run dorms filled with screaming, forgotten Navy brats. Dark, dank, lonely places, she knew Shepard hated the dorms, would hack the locks and sneak out after curfew, not to rebel or push the limits of the authority, just to be elsewhere. But there was nowhere else; the Dorms were a parents last resort when every other avenue was closed, when circumstances meant both were on tour at the same time. Stoker had never had to stay at the Dorms, her Father made other provisions for her, hired nannies, child minders, reluctant academy grunts if you had the means any regulation could be subverted. The Shepard's didn't have the means, so they moved instead.

"Just 'cause we don't stay still doesn't mean we don't belong Stoker. My Mom and Dad are soldiers, yours Dad's a soldier, they took an oath. It means something, it makes our lives mean something."

"I know but-"

_ "_I'm not arguing about this again Nick_."_

The redhead's eyes shot upwards at the sound of the front door opening and slamming closed. The glasses on the wall rattled, as did Shepard who quickly swept her feet up off the armchair and sat up straight.

"I've been reassigned. What other choice do we have?" Shepard met Stokers eye as they listened to conversation raging in the next room, although they couldn't hear the other side they both knew what it meant. "I've tried her, she has not time…..she's not sixteen yet, we can't do… "Hannah Shepard stopped at the entrance to the room, her redhead held tightly on a neat and orderly bun, her uniform smart and stiff. "Oh, hello MJ, Atti."

The omni-tool was open, flashing on her wrist indicating a message awaiting her reply; she closed it. She held a few small bags of supplies in her hands, just enough to restock a rented apartment.

"You're home early Mom."

"Things were concluded sooner than I thought. You look nice Atti, have you done something new with your hair?"

"Yes actually." Stoker replied, tussling her recently cut perfect black hair. "I was waiting for one of you Shepard's to notice."

"I noticed, I just didn't want to inflate your ego any more than I had to." Shepard said, standing to help her mother with the bags. "I worry for the continued existence of our galaxy if it gets any bigger. Who were you talking to Mom?"

There was a pause and then;

"Your Father."

Shepard nodded but let the words hang in the air. They both knew what that meant, what was going next.

Neither spoke, they moved around each other, placing cans on shelves and bottles in the cupboards.

Watching the two woman of the Shepard clan together as they unpacked the groceries into the rented kitchen units Stoker was struck by how similar they were in their movements and mannerisms. Stoker never knew her Mother, just like Ethan had never known his Father, Shepard was a rarity in this modern world having both, she wondered if she knew how lucky she was. Once the distraction of the groceries had past Shepard looked to her Mother and smiled lightly.

"Should I pack my stuff?" Shepard finally asked and if Stoker wasn't mistaken Hannah looked at her relieved. "How long?"

"Bring as much as you can carry."

She nodded and made eye contact with Stoker briefly before turning to pack for the Dorms.

**Cycle 2185: SSV Normandy NR-2 **

The Normandy had seen better days, Garrus could tell by the way the ship pitched and rolled, how it shuddered coming out of FTL, how on occasion the lights would fail and the life support stop. Small subtle things, he chuckled, that told him they were in desperate need of dry dock but Shepard had other plans.

"She'll hold together." She'd say when pushed. "The ship will hold."

The Turian scanned the feeds from the core, pages and pages of readings passing in front of his visored eye. Fluctuations in Tantalus Drive Core temperatures, dangerously high emissions outputs and internal combustion ratings, Cyclonic Barrier levels 10% below their recommended minimum, cracks to the hull, instability in H fuel cells and on and on and on. More information than one person was ever capable understanding and acting on. The reason for the crew Garrus thought then looked down the hallway to the mess, only there was no crew.

"I hope you're right about the ship Shepard." Garrus worried. "Though I imagine you have other things on your mind right now."

The mess echoed with a door opening and closing, then footsteps and words.

"I understand your concern. It's a tempting offer Doctor, but you know I can't take you up on it."

The Commander appeared from what had been Miranda's room, looking tired and ill. Her shoulders hung low, weighed heavy with weariness. When was the last time you slept Shepard, the last time you ate? Supplies were low, they hadn't docked in weeks, not since, since…

Bahak had been difficult, the Commander different.

"Commander, please hear me out." Liara followed closely behind, catching her arm by the canteen and stopping her. "Hagalaz is quiet, it's remote and fortifiable. The Alliance can't follow you there. We…you can stay there until the Reapers arrive. Build your assets, prepare for war."

"Prepare how? Send secret message to High Command signed love and kisses your secret admirer?"

Garrus stepped away from the door, was tempted to close it to give the Commander and the Doctor their privacy but they were at the mess table before his hand could reach the switch, he took a step backwards into the shadows.

"You're being purposely facetious Commander. I have the most comprehensive information network in the Galaxy, there is no better place to withdraw to, review your resources and plan your next move."

"All valid points Doctor but it doesn't change the fact that I can't do anything from hiding."

"And you will be able to do even less from a cell. Commander, I know you think you owe the Alliance this, but you are a Spectre, you don't-"

"I'm a soldier Liara." Shepard spun to her, finger and voice raised. "An Alliance soldier. Don't you ever dare call me anything else. I made an oath to them on my 18th birthday, to support and defend against all enemies, to uphold the principles and morals of the Alliance, to observe and obey all orders given to me, _as is duty bound_. I will honour that oath until I am physically unable to."

"So you would sit in a cell, for the next week, month, year, however long it takes until the reapers arrive? You would waste these last moments in captivity."

"Don't you think I'd leave this instant if I could; if there was any other way?" Their eyes met, locked and shared a long, lingering look as things that could never be spoken past between them. "This is who I am. I will stand before them until the day I die, I will do whatever they ask of me. Now more than ever. This is my life, my-"

"By the Goddess Commander, do not hide behind that word again." Liara came closer, took the Commanders uniform in her hands, and traced the broken stitches where a badge once sat. " Your loyalty to them is to your credit, I admire you for it, but the Alliance turned their backs on you when you needed them, they have tried you as a war criminal, stripped you of your rank and ship on more than one occasion. You do not owe them anything, least of all this."

"I owe the Alliance everything Liara. They are everything I am, that I was, before all of this got in the way. They remind me of who I used to be…..when I was better." Those unspoken words again, they ripped at Liara's heart. "I thought of all people you would understand this Liara. Why I need to do this, after…everything."

The asari took one step forward, lifted her hand up and cupped the Commander's cheek.

"Bahak wasn't your fault."

"Don't. Just…don't." Shepard turned away. "Whether you agree with me or not Hackett will be here within the week. Take the shuttle. Leave Liara."

The walk to the elevator was long and silent; an empty ship had a way of elongating time, something Liara had learnt in the last few years without the Commander. She watched the Commander disappear from sight then turned to where Garrus stood in the dark.

The turian took a step forward, inclined his head at the asari; Liara closed her eyes.

"I would have thought you would be happy that the Normandy is being sent for repairs Jeff. After all you have on many occasions referred to it as "your ship". Does ownership not come with an inherent duty of care? I currently have over fifteen hundred system critical issues on my logs that need to be rectified."

"Duty of….jeez EDI if I'd known unshackling you meant you get all social worker on me I'd have left you locked up." Joker grumbled, fingers waving over the control screen with no real enthusiasm. They were drifting somewhere on the edge of the Exodus Cluster with no set destination. As long as he didn't steer the Normandy into a asteroid belt they were fine. "And it's not that I don't want the ship to get fixed, of course I do. Not having the life support fail while in FTL? Big plus…but there are other places to do it. Closer places. Places that don't mean I'm getting my ship taken from me is all I'm saying."

Footsteps behind Joker made him turn, he wasn't expecting visitors. With the red light of the Fifth fleet blinking ever closer he'd assumed the few remaining crew would have other places to be.

"Oh hey Commander,"

"I suppose you heard all that." Shepard asked before sliding down into one of the vacant chairs beside time.

"What? The catfight on deck two? I just assumed Miranda and Jack had gotten into it again, I sent EDI for pictures, she hasn't gotten back to me."

Shepard snorted quietly, glancing at the blue orb to her right.

"And what did EDI think?"

"I was unable to process Jeff's request, Operative Lawson and Subject Zero departed the Normandy one hundred and fifty three hours previously. I have scanned all available data streams but am unable to locate them within range of the Normandy's surveillance system." Joker rolled his eyes. "However, if you are referring to the altercation between Doctor T'soni and yourself, I have a few relevant data packets that may be of some use?"

"Such as what EDI?"

"Under guideline 287 B of the Earth's Systems Alliance Regulation handbook once having taken the Oath of Enlistment a soldier is only required to serve for six to eight years depending on rank and position. You have been a member of the Alliance for thirteen years, twice as long as required. If you were to end your service now Commander, you would not be in any violation of the oath you have sworn to follow."

"There you go Commander, free and clear, just a shame no one told you this sooner, stopped you wasting all those years of your life when you didn't need to hey?"

Head back against the seat Shepard stared upwards, out onto the stars above her, faced flashed with streaks of blue.

"What else do you have in their EDI?"

"There are over six billion references to serving ones country. The most common recurring reference being an extract from the poem, Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori. Roughly translated this means…"

"It is sweet and just to die for one's country." Shepard said earning an eyebrow from Joker. "Thanks EDI, but that wasn't really what I was going for."

"My apologise Shepard, I will more thoroughly consult my databases and return to you." The AI blinked closed.

"I didn't know you spoke Latin Shepard?"

"I don't. But I did take English Lit at school." The Commander closed her eyes and reclined lower in her chair. " If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood. Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs, Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud. Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, my friend, you would not tell with such high zest, To children ardent for some desperate glory, the old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est Pro patria mori."

"Wow cheery."

"Hmm." Silence again as Shepard watched the stars. "What would you do Joker, if you were me?"

"If I had an insanely powerful asari pissed off at me? Buy a tinfoil hat and keep tight hold of my skin." Shepard shot him a baleful stare. "Oh, you mean the other thing. You know what I'd do."

The leather seat creaked as she stood, the floor tapped as she walked and Shepard exhaled as she considered Joker's display. Her gaze on one screen in particular.

"How long until Hackett reaches us?"

"Judging by the blip? Four days at FTL. Three if we start heading towards him, more if we Crazy Ivan it in the opposite direction."

"Tempting." Shepard agreed and pulled up the ship manifest on her omni-tool. "There's still a few of the crew who need to gather their things and leave. Once they're gone we'll start heading back."

"That was a good thing you did Commander, letting the Cerberus people go."

"They're not Cerberus, they're ours."

"Right, of course." He glanced side long at her, "Liara's right, we could hang tail to Hagalaz or you know another, less lightning-y place, sit tight till the Reapers get here. I bet Garrus makes a mean plate of eggs."

"No we couldn't," Shepard said quietly and turned. "There was quote by Jon Grissom my Dad used to use. I've been trying to remember it, it seems fitting, given the circumstances."

"I don't know it Commander, Sorry."

"That's alright. Keep up the good work. I'm going to….."Shaking her head she sighed, "I have no idea."

"Commander." Joker called after her as she left. "I'd do the same. If it helps."

"Thanks Joker."

The electric blue orb of EDI opened again as the Commander passed her.

"I believe I have located the passage you have requested Commander. It is an audio file, would you like me to play it?"

The Normandy's damaged speakers crackled into life, a back drop of sounds as Shepard walked towards the galaxy map down the empty Normandy.

"_People ask me, all the time, with all the new discoveries that are being made, how do we keep track of what matters? What's important? How do we keep ourselves apart from the aliens? They seem to believe that being human brings with it certain rights. The right to do as we please, get what we want. That that is the only way to keep our species alive. But what these people don't understand is, what they'll never understand, is that it isn't_ _about the right to do what we want; it's about doing what we need to, for the right to be called human_."

Shepard stopped at the galaxy map .

"Yeah, that's it. Thanks EDI."

**Present time**

_Duty and honour…_

They were the words she had vowed to live her live by. They swum round her, mocked her, teased her with voices from her past, even in her drained state they called to her. Had she done it? Had she done enough?

…_. to be called human._

…_.You did good child, I'm proud of you._

_ I will not falter…_

_ To defend against enemies_

Had she been loyal enough, strong enough, good enough?

_ It is sweet and just…_

_ I will not stray…_

_ To die for one's country….._

_ I will prevail or I will die….._

She made a vow.

"_This is who I am. I will stand before them until the day I die, I will do whatever they ask of me."_

An oath.

"_My Mom and Dad are soldiers, your Dad's a soldier, they took an oath. It means something, it makes our lives mean something."_

_Until the day I die._

Was she enough?

_I need to know…._

"You have honoured your words Commander. Fulfilled your oath." The voice said to her again, clearer than the rest, calm and soft and inviting. "You can rest. You deserve this, it is time. Rest"

_I need to know….._

"Rest Commander. It is time. Rest."

"Rest," Shepard repeated to herself, the word was so seductive, tempting. It had been such a long time since she was able to rest, since she had just sat down. "Rest."

Her body swam with pain, with fatigue. To close her eyes and let it take her was seductive, to slip away in the warmness of sleep inviting.

**It is sweet and just…..**

_This is who I am. I will stand before them until…._

_I will not falter, I will not stray. I will prevail or I will…._

…_**.die for one's country**_

"Rest."

She had prevailed, she had stood before them, she did not falter, she obeyed, and she defended. She had the right to call herself human. And now it was time.

"Let go Commander. It is time."

Time to go. Finally it was time to….

_I need to know you'll always come back_.

She had prevailed.

She had not faltered,

She did not stray.

But she would not die.

"No." She opened her eyes and stared the manifest down. "I made a promise."

…_A Shepard always does their duty….._


End file.
